It's all coming back to me
Maybe it's just a blessing that noone of my friends knows about this blog. They would draw to conclusions far too soon, leaving my feelings all exposed to them. I couldn't stand that!
I'm reading my posts of the previous months all over again in find nothing has changes much. The songs fit still, only yesterday I had to listen to my friends excited remarks about the last week, how funny all has been.
And me, I'm sitting at home, counting the days until Monday, when I finally return to my second home. My tiny little room just one store above the one room I love so much, And by that I don't mean the clublounge or the bar...
But one chorus of a posted song caught my attention like never before:
And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
For now my dreams are filled with his presence. Yesterday I even dreamt of joining the army for his sake!! In dreams there is no questioning ore reason. But when I woke up I was afraid of myself. Would I really go that far to be with him, if this ridiculous outcome of things was possible in the first place?
But I had to admit the answer was yes...
We went on a car journey to his camp, enjoying our freedom and he was appraising my courage and teaching me all I had to know. But when we reached the camp our relationship had to be kept a secret.
I even found myself pretending to sleepwalk, for I was caught to enter his tent. Then I woke up, not knowing where I was.
It had all been a dream, but part of me still wishes it to come true. I'd rather like him not joining the army, of course.
I wonder if he still wears his glasses, for that would indicate he's wavering in his fierce decision. And though it's silly I can't dismiss the false hope, somehow someday these lyrics will come true:
"I've found a reason for me
In my mind I have, as always, pictured myself a cenario which would include this change.
Maybe writing it down helps in some way...
"I see you're still wearing your glasses. What about your eye's surgery?"
"I cancelled it. I changed my mind about joining the army."
"I've found a reason to live a different life. I... fell in love."
" ... May I ask who this lucky girl is? Do I know her?"
"You have to ask ...?"